:: Read Karen's original Tinder column here
Back in the ancient mists of time, there were other ways to meet a partner.
The days where singletons would pop to the shops and the date of their dreams would be standing behind them in a queue.
Their eyes would meet, and, before they knew it, they were magically in love.
Well those days are gone.
It’s 2015 and it’s the age of internet dating. And it’s awful.
Imagine a real-time dating version of The Hunger Games and you’re not far off what it is like.
Perhaps it’s the lack of personal encounter and the freedom of anonymity, that makes surfing these shark-infested sites such a savage forum?
Whatever the reason, being online has changed the dating game forever.
If you are single and you’ve tried it for yourself, you will have no doubt already found your POF (Plenty of Fish), Tinder and Match.com inbox - to name a few popular sites - engulfed with illiterate inappropriateness.
But having weighed up all your options (and made the decision that you are not ready for a house filled with cats) and you are STILL considering internet dating this Valentine’s Day, then be aware of the stereotypes you are sure to find...
1. The Cyber-Player
This is the bloke who never gives up. He is online most of the day, evening and night.
His message will be short and sweet.
It is usually signed off with more than one 'x'.
Occasionally it will contain lyrics from his favourite boy-band.
His profile picture will show a gym-obsessed torso with or without a ‘deep V’ T-shirt.
2. The Constant Messenger
He will mail through messages like he is conversing with his best mate from school who he hasn’t spoken to in years…except he isn’t and it’s a one way conversation with himself. In your inbox.
Messages will appear in no particular order and will usually sign off with a question, that he will then continue to answer in your next unrequested message.
He lives in a cyber dreamworld where one day you might be so worn down by his dedication that you become desperate enough to consider his bizarre, relentless behaviour as endearing.
3. The Down Right Rude
He will send an insult.
It hits you from nowhere and you’re pretty sure no one could be that uncouth without reason. Wrong.
The Down Right Rude don’t usually have a profile photo - but still...they grab your attention for all the wrong reasons.
4. The Old Pal
You vaguely know him.
He might have once been at a party you attended in the late 1990s.
This vague encounter apparently gives The Old Pal a rite of passage to fill your inbox with creepy, over-familiar messages.
Typically The Old Pal only needs a blunt reply to stop his pursuit.
5. The Perfect Stranger
He comes across as perfect in every way.
He doesn’t respond regularly (which adds to his mystery) but when he does, you feel your heart go all aflutter.
It is possibly best to just block The Perfect Stranger without reason.
He will undoubtedly break your heart.
6. The Honest Try-Hard
He is a hopeless romantic.
He will send you a paragraph of hard-line sell on why you should date him.
The Honest Try-Hard thinks that you are perfect.
He will send many odd messages and will suggest a grand scale event for a potential first dates, based on the likes/dislikes section of your profile.
There is also a very real possibility that he might drop to one knee and propose on that same first date.
7. The Dodger
He sends you messages like there is no tomorrow. And then suddenly, for no apparent reason, one day he stops. The end.
Don’t read too much into it. His wife/girlfriend probably just found his account.
8. The Self-Esteem Booster
He will send you messages telling you that you’re gorgeous.
He thinks you’re hot and that’s the boost you needed to get you through your bleak Monday morning (although in the back of your mind, you know he merely used ‘cut and paste’ because he has sent that exact same message many times before).
9. The Quirky Cheekster
He starts off inoffensive, but rapidly becomes cheekier and less suitable as his messages continue.
Eventually you have to explain that you don’t feel comfortable with the content.
The newly-formed relationship hits critical. You go your separate ways. No-one formally ends it, but it’s over and you’re relieved you don’t have to read anything else he has to say.
:: Read more about Karen's online dating experiences here.
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